Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
