The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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