My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
