yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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