Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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