Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
