mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize