Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
