I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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