All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I understand Curling. That high.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
