they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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