all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
