i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
