She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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