okay pat passed out under dana's car
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We left the knife in your bed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
