Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
