Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
God, I missed his penis.
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