Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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