Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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