why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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