she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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