he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
