In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
