I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
