Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I wish there were birth control emojis
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
