Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
