I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
