i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
that is very illegal...i love you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
