Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
