he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
