evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
