I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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