i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
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I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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