I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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