I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
