Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
