Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
