I wanna bring you to show and tell
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
