So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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