Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
