I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
