i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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