Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
