he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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