please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
