Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
