Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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