I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
