I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
vagina is talking i cant
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
