Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
