The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The beer is more important than you right now.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
