Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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