I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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