i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
