I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
