I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
