Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
