Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
time to smoke my breakfast
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
