That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
