i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
