Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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