just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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