True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
