I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
