i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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