my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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