It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
