Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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