i would punch a child for taco bell
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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