you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
