why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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