Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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