Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
