I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
