Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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